Perks Of Being Over The Hill

There is nothing left anymore to learn the hard way.
Things that you buy now won't wear out.
Your supply of brain cells is finally down to a manageable size.
You no longer think of the speed limit as a challenge.
Your investment in health insurance is finally paying off.
You can quit trying to hold in your stomach no matter who walks into the room.
Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them anyway.
You can sing along with elevator music.
Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the guy on the television.
Your eyes won't get too much worse.
Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
People call you at 9 p.m. and ask, "Did I wake you???? "
You can get into a heated argument about pension plans.
You can eat dinner at 4:00 in the afternoon.
In a hostage situation you are the most likely to be released first.
No one expects you to run -- anywhere.
You are no longer viewed as a hypochondriac.

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